Women empowerment, as I feel it.

There’s been a huge debate, various talk shows, events and even great deals on days like Women’s Day and the celebration of womanhood. But what exactly does it mean to feel empowered for a woman? Why does the question even arise for a woman to think that she could be in a state of helplessness and then try to arise to state of empowerment?

While a small elite segment of society has tried to talk about it through various examples, women in the army, women in the navy, women in the air force and so on and so forth and made it look like an achievement. Well it is an achievement that women have decided to go for these career options but to highlight it and emphasise that it’s a woman getting this and that job makes it feel all unequal to me. This kind of media coverage in fact confuses me immensely. If this is empowerment, isn’t it true for everyone? Whether a man or a woman, to have the ability to make their own decisions? Isn’t empowerment about taking responsibility for those decisions and thereby not feel helpless. I know of enough men for instance who due to family pressure cannot make their own career choices, or take certain decisions which may make them happier and also, enough women who are truly happy not working at all and prefer to be stay at home moms.

Celebrating womanhood and feeling empowered therefore for me is not about this or  about being able to run alone on Delhi roads at night. For instance, if you ask me, driving alone at night on Delhi roads, not only for a woman, but also for a man is equally risky. Since Delhi is not only the rape capital but also it has one of the most drunk driving cases as well, but who talks about that? And what happened about the men being raped. In fact they are so helpless in their condition that they don’t even have the courage to talk about it, approaching this matter legally is a far cry for them.

Are we confusing empowerment with dignity of life somewhere? Empowerment comes when the parents decide to nurture their children in such a way that he or she feels empowered. It will rarely happen through marketing gimmicks, events and talk shows. It’s something that happens at a fundamental level, which is not gender biased. We have made it so and of course lot of companies have made tonnes of money out of it.

For  instance, do you think the sadhvi who stood up against the infamous Baba Raheem, went through all the women empowerment promos and talks and then decided it was high time she felt she could make a decision? She fought for what the brave-hearted fight for, her dignity and respect for her own life and many others. It was absolutely nothing to do with being a man or woman. It was a decision, and everyone has that inherently existing within them irrespective of gender and age. The daily wage earners in case you’ve closely observed, those women are the most empowered because their minds aren’t deluded by the belief that they aren’t empowered.

The biggest problem that we women face is a lack of respect and dignity. It’s not that we feel helpless, it’s the social stigma of men not being able to handle the decisions women make. We are all born equal, but the social norms insist on the inequality. Enough women are independent starting from the grass-root levels to becoming national leaders. More than enough make daily decisions about their own life in some form or another, but it’s very hard for most people to handle that and respect that. A well-known Bollywood movie had a tag line ‘No means no’. While many men that I know of feel they respect women, there are barely a few who can actually respect that ‘no’ or a ‘yes’.

As far as I’m concerned, my only perks are the adventure sports and once in a while a great shopping deal. In my many years of leading a life of womanhood, nothing in the real world has changed. The lack of respect of life itself has become a huge question, be it men, women or children. Who needs to be empowered to inculcate that I wonder.

 

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About the night

There are those days when you’re super happy and feel on top of the world. And this happiness comes slowly gliding down when expectations creep in. These expectations are so self initiated that you wonder why you had them anyways. But there they are looming in your brain and mind trying to wander into those ecstatic moments that you’re having and desperately making a way into that weak spot to make you wonder why you’re so happy. 

But, I have finally figured.  There is fortunately a solid solution to remove these most logically insanse thoughts which so sneakily want to ruin your day. Yes, I did. 

Go back to how you started your day, that moment that gave you the maximum happiness. Re-live it now. As if it were rewinding itself in your head over and over and how much you cherished it. How joyful the whole experience was. 

Go into the rewind mode and then fast forward it to how it should happen again. Totally and absolutely skip what happened when the ‘expectations’ set it.

Yes, that’s it.

It’s that simple. 

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An ode to stalkers 

That eery feeling when you know someone is watching every move you make. What you do and what you don’t. One is not even conscious of the almighty as much. But a human has that capacity to make you feel watched. 

I’m a self turned atheist, well almost. Convent schools eventually make you want to become that. Entire schooling I was taught, Jesus is watching everything you’re doing. So do the right thing. It’s another story that I’m still trying to comprehend what exactly ‘is the right thing’. Anyways, I turned into a self proclaimed, almost an atheist since I began to realise that Jesus was no one but a human stalker. 

Someone who would try to hack into your social media account. Or someone who would know what time you go and come back from work, aka, neighbor. Or someone, who would try and fetch every minute detail of the stuff you use at home, including the incense, mind you. And have the audacity to ensure that you know what you’re doing is wrong. Honestly, never in my wildest of dreams or my convent education did I think that it was wrong to put room fresherners in the house. Seriously people. 

Please note, none of the characters mentioned above who claim to be self righteous gods and goddesss are either family members, nor friends, they aren’t even related to me in any which way. They nevertheless  have more information about me than my own parents. Can you beat that! Maybe they feel godly enough to keep a ‘watch’ over me.

But dear stalkers, get a life. The world needs you. There are enough issues to be dealt with than my measly minute life. There are people who genuinely need help, and so does the environment. You super intelligence and the spark of a detective can help plenty of people who genuinely need your esteemed services which you provide for free. Since you’re so rich with time and money, please divert your energies. 

Because the world needs you. Not a miniscule entity like myself. May the force be with you to find your calling to contribute towards a larger goal. God bless.

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The Lost Chance

Many opportunities strike our way, whether it’s for work or building new friendships, but our fears and apprehensions don’t allow us to explore them. We have a preconceived thought process based on our past experiences which come in the way thereby restricting our own growth and potential that we aren’t aware of.

Past experiences, specially which have been bad, leave a scar and the mind finds it difficult to think that an alternate outcome is possible. Subconsciously we try and create a comfort zone for ourselves which is free of such accidents being repeated. Generalising human behaviour and tendencies is what we get used to. They become hard wired when we fail repeatedly and eventually we lose the will to even believe that things can change, which further pushes us to an even smaller zone.

Human beings have unlimited potential, can that potential be tapped within our comfort zone? You’re correct, it can never happen. The only way to do so is to become fearless, learn the art of failing but not being defeated. Instead of generalizing, we can view things as they are, objectively. There are good people around and there are tonnes of opportunities one can explore.

Let’s not lose the chance that can open the door to our growth and happiness. Let’s keep our eyes and mind wide open and embrace the things that come to us.

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Work from home, a boon or a limitation?

 

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This post is for work at home moms, who’ve made this choice after having worked in an organised sector for a while, for higher flexible timings, being there for the kids, and various other reasons which they thought would be less stressful. All this is true, but can their work graph go up  while working from home is the question. Few pointers out of my own experience of trying out this method:

  1. Office at home – When news goes around that you’re now at home, people skip the the ‘work’ part by default. Well, that’s how it is! The number of guests that pour in because they know you’re at home (didn’t anyone tell them that there’s a mobile phone that can be used to find out if one is free?) dramatically increases. People whom you don’t even know, some distant relatives they would say, drop in to see what you’re doing and have a cuppa chai (so casual isn’t it?). If you’re at home, obviously you’re freely available. Since you’re at home, no no, we don’t want to disturb you but can someone come and pick this parcel from your place (it’s quite central you see, the location, so it can become a hub of pick ups and drops since everyone else is ‘not at home’).
  2. The number of bells that would ring eventually, postal delivery, milkman, gardener, land line phones,  this and that, oh gosh you left the water running somewhere, that sudden realization when you see the neighbor at the door! One has no idea that this is what happens at home daily!
  3. Meetings – Yes to meet someone for work, calling them home is not a great idea at all! So yes, we do land up spending extra time and money at coffee shops or totally shortlist the prospective people we could’ve met otherwise. The ratio is usually 1:100.
  4. Beware if you’re a dog owner –  My god he’s a full time job. How the hell was it being managed when you weren’t at home. He seems to be so clingy now and you feel he probably suffers from a serious attention disorder, half the time one feels like your only goal in life is to to save your work from him, no not from competition, its only him. Your expenses therefore increase because of the number of stationery items, shoes, cushions, door mats that have been ruined during the process.

Nevertheless, if you’re lucky, the work will be stable fortunately. In fact one has the feeling of  becoming some sort of a genius. With stronger reflexes and the ability to multi-task in short time spans goes to another level totally. But as far as the work graph goes. There’s a huge question mark that hangs in there.

 

 

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